By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
We must understand our mate’s spiritual gift in order to experience maximum joy in marriage.
Family Counseling Ministries -
When marriage partners possess a clear understanding of
both their spouse’s spiritual gifts and their own, they can often circumvent
marital conflict. A vital step towards finding deeper fulfillment in the
marriage relationship involves taking a closer look at the importance of
spiritual gifts.
God graciously grants to each Christian, at the point of his
or her conversion, various gifts, skills and abilities for the purpose of glorifying
Himself and building up the Body of Christ. The seven motivational gifts listed
in Romans 12:6-8 provide an excellent basis for an investigation into an
understanding of how spiritual gifts function within marriage.
A husband or wife who has been given the gift of prophecy
has a high regard for God’s Truth and a deep motivation to warn other people of
the consequences of wrong actions. A wife, whose husband has the gift of
prophecy, for example, comes to him seeking comfort because her close friend
has made an unkind remark. Rather than offer words of consolation, he responds
to her need with a seemingly harsh admonition,
Honey, you’ve walked with the Lord long enough to know that
people will always let you down. It’s sinful to depend on other people instead
of on God.
Her deflated spirit is a strong cue that he has failed in
his attempt to encourage her.
Someone with the gift of mercy has a keen sensitivity to
the feelings of others and a compelling desire to alleviate emotional pain. A
wife tells her downhearted teenage son, who has locked the keys in the family
car, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even though it’s an expensive problem to
fix, it could happen to anyone.” Her husband, however, interprets her words as
being overly soft and lenient. He criticizes her for letting their son off the
hook too easily.
When a crisis occurs in the life of a friend or family
member, a servant-hearted spouse longs to meet immediate, practical needs. Upon
hearing that a friend has lost his job a wife suggests,
Let’s take them a meal and clean their house once a week
until John finds employment. Maybe that will be some encouragement to them
during this difficult time.
An exhorter, on the other hand, wants to discern the
reason why the crisis occurred. “Could God be teaching our friends patience and
humility in the midst of this trial?” he might ask. “We shouldn’t get in God’s
way by moving in too fast with our own solutions to the problem.”
While attending a Missions Conference at their church, a
husband with the motivational gift of giving comments, “I was thrilled to hear
about all the people this missionary is reaching for Christ. I believe God is
prompting our family to financially support his ministry.” The wife, however,
whose perception is propelled by the gift of teaching replies, “That may be so
but I don’t think his biblical explanation of evangelism was entirely accurate.
I also think he used a couple of scriptures out of context.”
A spouse who is gifted with administrative ability finds joy
in accomplishing projects and goals in a God-honoring manner. He or she is
skilled at seeing what needs to be done and delegating specific jobs to people
who can help bring the project to fruition. Because this individual seems to
feel free to tell other people what to do with little apparent hesitation, his
or her spouse may view him or her as presumptuous or controlling.
Husbands and wives must strive to gain insight from God’s Word
as to the necessity of varying gifts and perspectives within the Body of
Christ. Only then can they pray more effectively for their life partner and
experience new depths of love and admiration for one another.
Dr. Don
Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of
Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during
his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and
families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of
telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to
meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete
library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You
may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries.
Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com
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